The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

Great news! It is officially the Halloween season! I know what you’re thinking: “Jeff, it’s the middle of July, don’t you think it’s a bit early?” Well, that’s what I thought too, until I went to Dollar Tree. Let me tell you, we were both wrong. See for yourself.

 

Needless to say, I came home with some loot. In order of awesomeness:

Fake Human Organs!

A HeartA liver

At first glance these look like fairly standard, if poor quality, fake human organs packaged to look like meat from a butcher. Look closer though, and they are hilarious.
Closeup of liver label.
The suggested serving includes fava beans! Amazing! It was also chilled in a woman named Amber, which also amuses me.
Closeup of heart label
“Fat Content: clogged.” Cracks me up.

Severed Fingers!

A hand’s worth. If you ignore the ridiculous bones, these are actually pretty good. You’ll notice that the former owner was married. Maybe that was his cheating heart, and his wife found out. Maybe one night she revealed to him that the delicious liver brazed with bourbon and served with fava beans used to belong to that little slut Amber who he had been sneaking off to see. Maybe while he was in shock from the revelation she chopped his fingers off clean with one chop from a cleaver. She just wanted to remove his wedding ring, the ring that he had disgraced, but at this point she wasn’t picky.

The best fake body parts are always the ones that come with hypothetical stories.

Spider Goblet!

This is surprisingly nice. You would expect to pay upwards of $2.50 for this at someplace like Party City. At $1.00 it is a steal. I might need to go back for more of these, they would be awesome at any Halloween party.

Severed Hand

It’s deformed, which is a plus, but it’s not meant to be deformed, which is a minus. Being made from cheap plastic doesn’t do it any favors, and the paint smells funny. If you were wondering, this is where things start going downhill.

Severed Foot

In the years that I have been all about Halloween, I have yet to see a good severed foot. This one does not change that trend. That is not what toes look like.

Blood Clingy Things.

These suck. I really don’t know what I was thinking when I bought them. They are tiny and dumb and I don’t like them one bit. Also, I messed up the lighting when I was taking the picture, and these things are so horrible that they can have the dark patches for all I care.

One Response to The Most Wonderful Time of The Year

  1. Chance says:

    Interesting collage.

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